Ask The Pro

Our touring professional TJ Monkey II has been inundated with questions from some local golfers, so he's taken some time out from his busy schedule to give us some answers.  

He's also promised to make this a regular feature, so if you have anything to ask the pro, please use the comments section at the bottom of the page.

Q: While my ability to strike the ball has slowly improved over the years, my ability to putt seems to be going the other direction. I'm beginning to think that some people just aren't born with the 'putting gene,' and that I'm one of them.  Why can't I ever seem to get any better at putting and could you offer me some advice or tips on how I can become a better putter? 

Scrapyard Bill

TJM: Thanks for the question, Billy boy! You are not alone in your frustration with the flatstick. One of the most common problems amateur golfers face is an inability to putt with any consistency. I'll tell you the same thing I tell every one of my students...it's all about line and length. Simple enough?

There are any number of paths the ball could take to end up in the bottom of the cup it's just a matter of choosing the right one and executing.

If you still having problems, try taking a couple of weeks away from the game, sell your clubs on e-bay and take up bowls.

Q: I'm a big fan of the flop shot around the green, but I always have trouble pulling it off and I often blade the piss out of it.  Can you give me advice on what I may be doing wrong? And when it's a good time to attempt the flop? 

Captain Blog Blocker

TJM: I dig your style, skipper! Never let a small thing like incompetence or a complete lack of golfing ability stop you from trying to pull off shots that you're clearly incapable of. Sadly, any advice I give you on the execution of the shot is surely going to be a waste of my time.

As to your second question concerning when it's prudent to attempt the flop (or Flopodopolis or Floposaurus Rex) here's a little rule of thumb I offer to all of my golf students when trying to decide the proper course of action, when faced with this kind of risk/reward scenario or shot on the golf course:

1.    Have you ever executed the shot successfully in the past, even just once, no matter how long ago?

2.    Are you on the 18^th green and the whole clubhouse is watching?

3.    Have you ever even seen a similar shot pulled off either in person or on Sky Sports?

If you can answer 'YES' to any of the above questions, then the answer is 'Go For It!'

Because everybody loves a hero and nobody likes a pussy  ...do they Lee?

Q: I'm gonna be attending a Pro event next weekend and I always find it funny when someone in the crowd shouts "You Da Man!" or "Get In The Hole" after one of them professionals hits a shot.  My buddy bet me 10 quid couldn't make it onto the TV shouting one of them awesome catch phrases.  Any ideas or suggestions on how I can win my bet? 

Bo Doodle Dandy II

TJM: Bow Wow Bo. On a scale of 1 to 10, you're clearly an idiot. But alas, I'm here to educate and not to judge. So if you're set on winning this bet with your buddy (and I'm sure you are, that £10 means you can finally take your sister out on that fancy date she's been pestering you about), then let me offer my wisdom on the subject.

First off, "You Da Man" is clearly played out and well past the point where it's even remotely funny anymore (the one exception may be if you were attending an LPGA event and Laura Davies had just hit, then it may be slightly funny).  Same goes for "Get In The Hole!" It's lame and clearly not funny anymore, not that it was ever really funny.

May I suggest a whole new repertoire of golf gallery catch phrases you may try: Whether or not you make it onto the TV broadcast of the event is yet to be seen, but at least you won't sound like all the rest of those unoriginal morons.

“Yeeeeeeeee-hawwwwwwwwwww!” You're familiar with this one, I assume.

“Fore!” In true McGlasson stylie

“Show Us Your Tits!”  only to be used if you happen to be following Monty 'Moobs' around

“Peachy” only suitable when the ball is heading for the trees

“Ugh Uh Ugh Uh” (while dancing around like a monkey).  Perfect for those missed short putt moments.

Alright Bo, I've spent way more time than I ever thought possible answering such a mind-numbingly moronic question. The rest is up to you. If you really wanna make sure you win the bet and you're not afraid of a minor brush with the law, may I suggest loitering around the BBC tent and give Gary Lineker a good kicking, especially if he mentions “moving day” once more!

Q: At my local course, there's a long par 3 with a big 170 yard carry over water, with a small bailout fairway short of the stream. I don't think I've ever cleared the water with my 3 iron and I'm not very consistent with my 3 or 5 woods...so my question is this: Is it OK to hit a soft driver on this par 3 so I can safely clear the trouble? My buddies claim I’ve got short arms and it’s not manly to hit driver on a par 3. What's the smart play? To punch a 9 iron short of the bridge and take my chances from there? 

Skipper Whisky

TJM: Well, well Captain, it might appear that your friends are trying to sabotage your ability to score well on this hole, but they are not. They're merely trying to help you avoid looking like a pussy.

Just so we're clear, your two questions were:

A.  Is it OK to hit a ‘soft’ driver on a par 3?

and  

B.  Is it OK to deliberately lay up on a par 3?

There's a quick test that will help you answer both of these questions...and here it is: Look in your pants.  If there's a weiner in there (regardless of size), the answer to both questions is NO. Always. No exceptions.

If you have to splash your 3-iron into the water every time, so be it. At least you'll still have your dignity and the respect of your fellow golfers. Don't be a girl! No Bailouts and No Drivers!

Q: I've noticed a lot of the younger golf pros on Tour wearing bright pink shirts, white pants, and neatly color-coordinated outfits. Is this the new style for golfers or just some passing fad?  Is it time for me to update my golf wardrobe? 

Colin Bighill

TJM: Hey Col, thanks for your question. There seems to be a lot of confusion out there about what's considered appropriate golf attire these days. Let me attempt to clarify...Here's a couple of examples of what you seem to be talking about:

If you happen to be one of these guys and you're making millions of quid a year to play golf professionally (hint: you're not), then you can get away with dressing like a flamboyant metrosexual. If you're just playing some friendly weekend golf with your buddies and you try to sport one of these numbers, however, you better be prepared for a lot of ridicule and questions as to your sexuality.  And if you ever try to pull off a pink catsuit (like the one that Ian Poulter is rocking above) you better wear a cricket box. Because no matter where you are, I will come and find you...and when I do, I'm gonna kick you square in the nads.

So, in summary, leave the bright pastels, milkman pants and matching outfits to the ladies on the LPGA Tour.  You're a man. At least try to dress like one.